Active Listening
There's a song that goes I can't dance - so don't ask me! Well I can't dance and, by the way, I can't sing either; but as a management trainer and coach I did think I was a good listener.
We had just watched Spooks on BBC IPlayer. The main story line was freaky enough but the ending was a bit of a cliff hanger. A few minutes after the last credits rolled into the laptop's keyboard I was still contemplating whether Harry was a rotten egg or whether he had been stitched up like a kipper in an Arbroath smoke house when I heard the Voice say "........... and I'll email tomorrow"
Email who tomorrow - email what tomorrow?
It was a simple enough enquiry - or so I thought! But the Voice was on her very own MI5 style character assassination mission and the accusations came thick and fast.
"You never listen to me" "You only listen to half of what I say" "Well if you think I'm going to repeat myself ....." "And by the way you're just like....." (The list was long - don't laugh I'm sure I heard your name mentioned.)
Too tired (and Spooked out) to argue against the onslaught I considered putting up a robust defence but instantly judged this strategy to be deeply flawed and doomed to failure - those of you who know the Voice will fully understand why.
On balance I felt a swift retreat was the better part of valour but as I reached for the Daily Torygraph - behind which, on these occasions, I always think it is wise to hide - the brain snapped and the mouth opened.
"But I was listening!" I heard myself shout softly.
"Oh yeah, while I was talking you were watching Sky News reporting the bombings in Mumbai at the same time as reading the latest on the same item on BBC News online and ... (pause for small breath/large sip of wine) ... and ('and' repeated for increased dramatic effect) ... and probably still wondering if Harry is going for an early pension or not!!"
Oops!
I've been preaching for years that proper listening is an active skill that requires total engagement with the information giver, ergo the Voice.
Active listening involves blocking out all internal interference - I wonder what's for dinner tonight? - and external interference - phones, other people, passing traffic; you know the problems! - by applying total concentration to the incoming data and body language of the speaker.
We need to maintain good eye contact (bearing in mind that in some cultures this may not be appropriate) whilst at the same time nodding sagely in all the right places.
These techniques ensure the other person feels that you are listening, knows that you are listening, believes that you are listeneing.
I'm exhausted just thinking about it - no wonder I (you?) find it so hard to do.
Well, lesson learned - yet again. Just need to practice more; active listening I mean; not dancing.
Talking of which, I had better be on my toes tomorrow night. We're watching the next episode of Spooks on IPlayer and if the Voice asks a question, I better be listening - venturing the wrong answer would be like jumping in with two left feet! Anyone know a good dance teacher?
Labels: active, attention, information, listening
posted by Charles Jack : 22:47
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About Me
I have worked in training and management development for over 25 years. I am passionate about helping people develop their businesses or organisations through developing their people. I specialise in designing and delivering Leadership and Management development strategies and, over the years, I have built up a team of professional trainers and coaches - all of whom are highly professional and great fun to work with! |
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